ryanvdk

re-evaluating life

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 21:22:03 GMT

I don't want to write in this journal anymore.

Flying Fox Discovered after being deemed non-existent

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 20:07:33 GMT

It's a real animal!

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 02:50:46 GMT

If you say the phone number 1-549-0514 in Chinese it sounds like you're saying "you want me to die, it will work, I will die". And if you get a lottery ticket number 518518 it sounds like "I will get rich, I will get rich".

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 01:53:49 GMT

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 04:34:54 GMT

almost home almost home

*holds breath*

P.S. I got a hold of my friend Amanda Amanda and we're going for all you can eat sushi on Thursday. (she only has a first name so she has to use it as a last name too)

update

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 18:15:53 GMT

An old work friend who is doing astrogeology, and astronomy and whatnot for school convinced me the world isn't about to end in 5 years. He said it's a bit longer than that and even then it's only a maybe. That was reassuring. There are things I want to see and do in my lifetime, and everything blowing up would make that hard.

I'm at Joanna's house in Seattle. They have a gamecube game called Odama. It's real time strategy pinball game. You use voice commands to command your troops and there is a giant pinball on the map called the Odama that you fire out of a canon and flip around with paddles while leading your army to victory. It's weird.

We saw Superbad last night. My favourite movie in a while. Probably since I saw little miss sunshine. Superbad's more silly humour though.

Back in 8 days!

lalala other thoughts

the end of the world as we know it

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 15:36:12 GMT

The world is supposed to end on December 21, 2012. I'm a little bummed. Who wants to spend the end of the world with me?

http://www.december212012.com/index.shtml

http://www.levity.com/eschaton/Why2012.html

http://www.planetpapp.com/br21december2012/

In other news, I spent around $30 sending letters to various people. And I've been staying at my friend's house in Kelowna, and seeing people I haven't seen in at least for years.

Home in less than 15ish days = D

Dumb Hummer - Why?

Thu, 31 May 2007 19:57:45 GMT

I love her dancing. This is how I dance in elevators.

Hard Gay cooking with kids

Thu, 24 May 2007 06:36:27 GMT

God I love the Japanese.

How Well Can You Swim - Panther

Thu, 24 May 2007 06:31:36 GMT

Need to Shout - AIH

Thu, 24 May 2007 01:40:01 GMT

There's a sword in your side,
That you'll ignore until blood shows,
And later on, when it's gone,
When something's wrong,
The violence grows and it's designed,
To spy and try to poke your eyes,
While laying low.

Beneath the seven different reasons for satellites,
Eleven different reasons for fists in fights,
There's never been a reason for shouting when it's quiet,
But no-one's ever listening.

When you need to shout
No-one's ever listening

And don't go dragging your name,
Through the mud and the rain,
When it dries I know some dust that wants to get in your eyes.

Put a stethoscope on,
You'll notice the beat is gone,
All that's left is hesitations from your previous life.

Scab Maids on Speed - By Maggie Estep

Sun, 20 May 2007 22:42:28 GMT

My first job was when I was about fifteen. I'd met a girl named Hope
who became my best friend. Hope and I were flunking math so we
became speed freaks. This honed our algebra skills and we quickly
became whiz kids. For about five minutes. Then, our brains started to
fry and we were just teenage speed freaks.

So we decided to seek gainful employment.

We got hired on as part time maids at the Holiday Inn while a maid
strike was happening. We were scab maids on speed and we were
coming to clean your room.

We were subsequently fire for pilfering a Holiday Inn guest's quaalude
stash which we did only because we never thought someone would
have the nerve to call the front desk and say, THE MAIDS STOLE
MY LUUDES MAN. But someone did--or so we surmised--because
we were fired.

I suppose maybe we were fired because we never actually CLEANED but
rather just turned on the vacuum so it SOUNDED like we were
cleaning as we picked the pubic hairs off the sheets and out of the
tub then passed out on the bed and caught up on the sleep we'd
missed from being up all night speeding.

When we got fired, we became waitresses at an International House of Pancakes.

We were much happier there.

Poem

Sat, 19 May 2007 21:05:39 GMT

He Sits Down on the Floor of a School for the Retarded
-- By Alden Nowlan

I sit down on the floor of a school for the retarded,
a writer of magazine articles accompanying a band
that was met at the door by a child in a man’s body
who asked them, “Are you the surprise they promised us?”

It’s Ryan’s Fancy, Dermot on guitar,
Fergus on banjo, Denis on penny-whistle.
In the eyse of this audience, they’re everybody
who has ever appeared on TV. I’ve been telling lies
to a boy who cried because his favourite detective
hadn’t come with us; I said he had sent his love
and, no, I didn’t think he’d mind if I signed his name
to a scrap of paper: when the boy took it, he said,
“Nobody will ever get this away from me,”
in the voice, more hopeless than defiant,
of one accustomed to finding that his hiding places
have been discovered, used to having objects snatched
out of his hands. Weeks from now I’ll send him
another autograph, this one genuine
in the sense of having been signed by somebody
on the same payroll as the star.
Then I’ll feel less ashamed. Now everyone is singing.
“Old MacDonald had a farm,” and I don’t know what to do

about the young woman (I call her woman
because she’s twenty-five at least, but think of her
as a little girl, she plays that part so well,
having known no other), about the young woman who
sits down beside me and, as if it were the most natural
thing in the world, rests her head on my shoulder.

It’s nine o’clock in the morning, not an hour for music.
And, at the best of times, I’m uncomfortable
in situations where I’m ignorant
of the accepted etiquette: it’s one thing
to jump a fence, quite another to blunder
into one in the dark. I look around me
for a teacher to whom to smile out my distress.
They’re all busy elsewhere. “Hold me,” she whispers. “Hold me.”
I put my arm around her. “Hold me tighter.”
I do, and she snuggles closer. I half-expect
someone in authority to grab her
or me; I can imagine this being remembered
for ever as the time the sex-crazed writer
publicly fondled the poor retarded girl.
“Hold me,” she says again. What does it matter
what anybody thinks? I put my arm around her,
rest my chin in her hair, thinking of children
real children, and how they say it, “Hold me,”
and of a patient in a geriatrics ward
I once heard crying out to his mother, dead
for half a century, “I’m frightened! Hold me!”
and of a boy-soldier screaming it on the beach
at Dieppe, of Nelson in Hardy’s arms,
of Frieda gripping Lawrence’s ankle
until he sailed off in his Ship of Death.

It’s what we all want, in the end,
to be held, merely to be held,
to be kissed (not necessarily with the lips,
for every touching is a kind of kiss).

She hugs me now, this retarded woman, and I hug her.
We are brother and sister, father and daughter,
mother and son, husband and wife.
We are lovers. We are two human beings
huddled together for a little while by the fire
in the Ice Age, two hundred thousand years ago.

Drawing Journal

Fri, 18 May 2007 17:28:03 GMT

I'm trying to learn how to draw.

The guy with the halo is my favourite.

brain stem

my daemon - stolen from Melissa

Tue, 08 May 2007 16:11:50 GMT

I like the name Kyana. I'm going swimming at uvic today if anyone wants to join me or hangout after.

Tue, 08 May 2007 05:36:34 GMT

At kung fu tonight I had ridiculously bad gas and during the breathing exercise when everyone was silent I accidentally let one rip.

earthquake love song - Timber! (live)

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:58:16 GMT

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 02:55:58 GMT

me and my entire family are siiiiick. we're all sitting aroung moaning and wailing like the undead. god... i have to do taxes... bastards...

super fun adventure!

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:16:47 GMT

I'm going upisland tomorrow to visit amy and emily. Themz is two kool cats. I have a bad headache right now and it kinda feels like I'm drunk even though I'm not. I had a really fun time today in the sun hanging out with tim adrian and andrew. I might have a little sun stroke as pathetic as that sounds. I'm so white. Mario 2 is drugged out. People confuse me but I love them. I want to say murgle like a hundred times and then lose conciousness.

The urban dictionary tells me it's a word.

Random, thought provoking word to use during awkward silences.

They say, "I love you."
You say, "Murgle!"

The sound or act of a phlegm filled cat purring.

His stomache flipped over as he listened to the sound of his sick cat murgle from beneath the desk.

I'm going to bed.
Sweet dreams internet.

another day older

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 23:46:25 GMT

Thanks everyone who came to the thing last night. I had a really fun time. I hope you guys did too. I’m feeling a heavy ‘so what do I do now’ feeling. The short term answer is finish my last school paper. Long term though, who knows?

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 01:05:57 GMT

The other day I zoned out while getting off the bus and yelled out, "BYE! ... uh, I mean thank you!" It was like calling your teacher 'Mom'.

i love everyone always

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 03:08:09 GMT

I skipped out early from work today and went home to study but instead played the guitar. I think my strumming and chord changes are getting progressively more fluent. I want to be more honest with myself. I’m thinking about hitch-hiking to Vancouver the day after my birthday and living on the street for a couple weeks or maybe longer. I want to do some soul searching and discover myself. I’ll bring my guitar, my hacky sack, the clothes on my back and the love in my heart. I hear Nelson is nice, and there are hippy markets there, maybe I’ll head down there too. I also wouldn’t mind going down to California and meeting my internet friend Aaron, he’s a cool guy. I don’t know how realistic that is though. Just surviving in Vancouver seems hard enough. We’ll see. Life is big. My friend Erika was telling me about a group of anarchists she used to know, they were squatting in abandoned homes and office buildings. It sounded terribly fascinating. Right, I’m out.
Live life, do what you love and fuck the rest.
I love everyone always.

Drumming Sensation

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:24:46 GMT

So we had the concert this morning. Hardly anyone showed up haha. Only parents, a couple old people and like six friends of people in the class. It was a little sad. But at least we outnumbered them so it wasn't too bad. I was fairly nervous, but the crowd was so tiny that it went away quickly. Our show that we played on Saint Patrick's day was infinitely better. I wasn't anxious at all that night. It was so fun, everyone was dancing and it went on into the wee hours of the night and Mamady Keita (my hero) came by. I'll missing drumming class. I severely bruised my left hand though. That reminds me, I gotta put it on ice. I have a practical on Thursday, playing with a bruised palm will be agonizing. Afterwards, I taught a couple classmates d-bot and we played in the sun. Who would have thought a game using a half-full water bottle could be so entertaining? I might join a thousand person somba band. It'll be anarchy, and frighteningly loud.
Me and April had lichnner (lunch/dinner). I ate eel.

Love is glue, it's messy and if it gets in your hair it'll ruin your day. But it holds things together, and I hear it can taste alright.

"Oh man, I so want to get an enema now!" - James

little miss sunshine

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 05:38:24 GMT

I loved this movie. It was sooo good. The ending made me laugh out loud. Good movies make me happy. I want to go on a roadtrip. I want to hitch hike. My Hist 451 class might get dim sum in class this week. My history of death class might perform a seance for an end of semester get together. I might buy my car back from my brother. I might go traveling in may or june, and I'll hopefully be gone July and August. I'm undecided though. I want to consult a couple friends whose opinions mean a lot to me. I worry about a person or two all the time. But I'm happy. I love everyone always. Including you. Yes you.

smelling pages

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 16:30:39 GMT

I like looking for books in the uvic library, it's like a scavenger hunt. And the empty aisles that stretch endlessly in either direction on the third floor are so cinematic. I used to know a girl who liked to smell books. Old books, good books and smart books, like you can inhale the stories and history and essence. I have to say, as I roam the aisles I sometimes get the urge. Especially with some, ones that have probably been there forever and look like they belong in a collector's private study. Apparently when Bruce Lee died it was classified as a "death by misadventure". I enjoy chatting with people who have things to say. I love interesting conversation and interaction. I hate it when things are one sided. On a side note, I need to watch a whole bunch of kung fu movies as research for a history project, if anyone wants to join me. Right, I'm off in the pursuit of ancient tomes and tall tales. Bye internet.